


I Wear A Noose Around My Neck

by KomaedaClear



Category: jacob two-two
Genre: Graphic Suicide, self-harm mention, this is basically a vent for me hence why it's kind of unfinished and sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:10:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7197185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KomaedaClear/pseuds/KomaedaClear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel goes through a bad time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wear A Noose Around My Neck

**Author's Note:**

> fuck okay so im really suicidal rn and im fighting self-harm urges so i needed to vent abt it. and what better way to vent than to write abt a true event?
> 
> yes hello i id with daniel and this happened. it' s kinda changed bc i don't remember everything fully but yeah

Alone in the safety of his room. Finally. He hated it when the family had to get together, and today was no different. Except it was, and he knew it. He could feel it. Something was wrong. It was sunlike any of the other times he felt this way. Right now it was different. He knew it was something a knife couldn’t fix this time.

Even so, he pulled out a knife from under his pillow. The dullest, so it always hurt the most. Not his favourite choice at the time, however. He pulled out a sharper one from behind a poster. It was a lot smaller, but it wouldn’t be good enough.

Daniel scrunched up his nose in disgust at himself. How could he be so selfish right now? Taking out knives as if he could pick and choose how he wanted to feel. Other kids use razors. Other kids use sharpeners. Other kids were better than he was. He was so selfish, hiding knives everywhere.

The knives. They were practically in eyesight. No one cared, though. His mother never found any. His Dad never bothered to look. No one questioned when he started wearing long sleeved shirts to bed and in the morning before putting on his coat. No one questioned the scars on his arms or his legs. No one cared when he stopped eating. No one noticed. No one cared. No one cares.

He let out a big sigh as he sat down on his bed, head in his hands. No one cares about him. He lost his friends, his family never bothered to talk to him, and he was no longer the ‘cool’ guy that Jacob thought he was. Daniel was a coward for waiting so long for this day. Waiting. A coward. Waiting? Waiting for what?

He stood up slowly, shaking as he walked towards the door, leaving the knives he had taken out in plain sight, and even left his door open a bit as he walked away. Even though he didn’t know what was happening, he knew exactly what he was going to do.

There was an old rope in one of the many closets in the house. It was supposed to be used for something outside for the twins, but his Dad said it was too old to be used and would probably break. That didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Not anymore. His legs throbbed with each step he took back to his room, slowly, hoping someone would notice, but at the same time hoped no one did.

His room was untouched. Of course. That’s because no one cared. He shut his door and took off his coat. He liked it when he was just wearing his T-shirt and could feel cool air on his fresh scars. He never bothered to keep his room warm anymore. He didn’t deserve it.

Pushing aside the black clothes in his closet, he laughed at this irony of his. Black clothes were traditional in funerals, after all. He wondered what they would do. Probably just throw him in a grave without a casket. No one would show up.

Clearing the space to fit him inside, he began to tie the noose. It took a lot of practice, but over time he had grown a habit of tying this knot whenever he had his hands on a rope or a string. No one noticed this.

Tying it up to the closet, he sat down on the floor, staring up at it. Tears started to roll down his cheeks. What was he doing? Wasn’t the knives enough? He should feel guilty for being this selfish.

Standing up, he stretched, stalling for time. Was this finally it? Was he really going to leave? He guessed so. He dragged his chair over and stood on it. This was happening too quickly for him to make sense of what was going on. Before he knew it, his head was in the noose and he took a few deep breaths.

“Daniel! Dinner!” his mother called from downstairs.

Shit.

He forgot about dinner.

He began to panic. He got this far, was he just supposed to abandon this forever? He knew if he didn’t do it now he would never be able to do it.

“Daniel? Mom says it’s time to eat,” Jacob said, knocking at the door.

Shit.

“Daniel?”

Shit shit shit.

Dad called from downstairs. “Jacob, what’s taking so long?”

Jacob knocked and called for him again.

Screw it.

He kicked the chair from under him. Immediately, he regretted it. The noose closed around his neck and gasped for breath, any breath. He grabbed at the knot, trying to untie it, but he couldn’t get a grip as his oxygen left him. His kicking feet knocked the chair over with a loud thud.

“Jacob? What was that?” his Dad asked from the bottom of the stairs.

“I-I-I don’t know! I’ll check, i’ll check.”

The door opened.

His vision began to blur and he felt very tired. The noose was painful. His lungs were screaming. His arms began to fall to his sides.

Jacob was standing there now. Right in front of him. Eyes widening, pupils constricting. He let out a terrifying scream that was so far away from Daniel. He heard running upstairs. Jacob said that Daniel did something bad. Everything went dark. The pain lessened around his neck. He thought he saw someone above him, but when he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital.

His Dad was sleeping on a chair to his left, and to his right, Jacob was sleeping with his head on the bed.

Daniel lifted an arm up and barely touched Jacob’s hair when he bolted upright.

“Daniel! You’re alive, you’re alive!” Tears welled up and he brushed them away.

The older boy smiled a tiny bit at him, not saying a word. He was selfish. That’s the only word on his mind. Selfish.

“I’m so glad you’re alive, Daniel! I really thought you were dead. Dead!”

He looked away, at the wall in front of him. The smell of the hospital was overwhelming him.

“Daniel, please talk to me! Why did you do it? Why?”

“Jacob,” he whispered. He looked at his hands sadly. “I didn’t want you to see that. I didn’t mean for you to- “ He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Jacob grabbed his arm. “You shouldn’t be sorry. It’s not your fault!”

“Yes, it is, Jacob. You’re the last person I wanted to see me like that. You shouldn’t have had to go through this.” He began to cry. “I didn’t want for you to see me like this. You shouldn’t have seen me.” He sat up and sobbed into his hands as Jacob put a hand on his shoulder. “Y- you’re too young t- to be exposed to this shit. I fucked up Jacob. I f- fucked up.”

Jacob looked shocked to hear his brother swear, but he didn’t address that. “Daniel, you didn’t do anything wrong. You just- you just- “ Jacob began to sob too. His face was deep in the bed.

“I’m sorry, Jacob. I’m sorry,” Daniel let out hoarsely. They didn’t have time t talk anymore because the nurse came in, surprised to see Daniel up, and proceeded to wake his father.


End file.
